ENTROPY - Design of Decadence: October 2007

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

guess what

we’re all so stupid and naïve. we convince ourselves that we’ve forgotten sights and sounds, events and places, landings and corridors, silences and screams, cries and whispers, nervous gestures and antiseptic words, heavy smiles and cold stares until we suddenly find ourselves in the midst of it all again and we realize how crystal-clear it all still is in our mindspace.

we claim to be desensitized to it all, and we say it confidently even as we try to stop our toes from twitching.

we think we know ourselves so well, until we realize that we don’t know any better.

posted by n.g. at 11:47 (0) Peg(s) of Whisky

Friday, October 26, 2007

The Other Side Of The Road.

Jagat runs a small paan shop right next to the ICICI Bank ATM on Juhu Tara Road, from where I usually draw money. I didn't know him till today since I've pretty much quit smoking and don't need his wares, but this morning I didn't have the small change to pay for Milan Supari.

But he gave it to me anyway.

'Aap khao saab, baad mein de dena.'

I offered to give him the 100 rupee note I had, and told him i'd take the money later in the day when he'd have the change.

'Nahi saab, 2-3 rupye ke liye sau rupye ka bhaar kaun jhelega'.
'Aur main vaapis nahi aaya toh?'

He shrugged.

'Toh aapki shraddha.'

I broke the 100 at the Udipi opposite my office and walked back to pay him.
He smiled, nodded and took the money.

Sometimes we need other people's integrity to remind us of our own. And to me, Jagat's got more of it than all the illustrious and accomplished folk put up in the Marriott bang opposite him.

posted by n.g. at 10:13 (0) Peg(s) of Whisky

Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

A couple of days ago, I had a long conversation with someone about how to identify good work. It started out as a discussion about what’s good work for me vis-à-vis what’s good for the viewer, and though this question used to puzzle me a bit earlier on, over time I’ve figured out why people think that a creative person’s definition of good would be any different from the audience’s. At least I think I have.

How do you decide whether something is good or bad, she asked. As subjective as that is, it’s also pretty simple. Every piece of good communication must have an ‘Idea’ to communicate the proposition interestingly. She didn’t get it. She asked me to elaborate. I elaborated. She seemed slightly clearer when I asked her which show sounded more interesting to her – one about a Saas, Nanad and Bahu or one about a Saas who’s secretly an FBI Agent, a Nanad who is secretly Supergirl, and a Bahu who is secretly Osama Bin Laden.

The gauge is pretty simple actually. If the communication has heart, it works. If the creator has loved the communication enough to put a lot of heart into it, it works. Why is white-boy Eminem the most loved rapper in the world, over much more prolific rappers like Ice Cube, Nas and Jay-Z? Because his lyrics have heart. Why does a Cameron Crowe film feel like you’re watching a friend’s story or maybe even your own, but you wouldn’t recommend a Vikram Bhatt film to your worst enemy? Why does Stanley Kubrick amaze you with his timeless vision illustrated so wonderfully by the films that he made decades ago, but Anil Sharma makes you wince with how drab and dated he can be even in this day and age of information overdose and technological advancement? Why did Jhumpa Lahiri’s ‘Interpreter of Maladies’ touch a chord but Chetan Bhagat’s ‘One Night at the call center’ read worse than the Yellow Pages? Why do some commercials make you smile and others make you switch channels?

It’s amazing how we’re all so conditioned by a convenient veil of poseur denial (or refusal, maybe) that we don’t understand a very basic thing – human beings have feelings and it is in our DNA to be moved by everything we experience. And this, this itself is what makes a piece of communication good – its ability to move you – make you laugh cry angry sad – make you feel something, anything at all, but FEEL nonetheless. We resist expressing any reaction to the most basic of emotions, until we get so accustomed to resisting that we actually don’t feel anything at all.

I don’t think my communication was good, coz even after 15 minutes of spewing sermons, she still seemed pretty unmoved.

posted by n.g. at 17:55 (0) Peg(s) of Whisky

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

31mm.

I’ve been thinking about death of late. Not dying, if you’re thinking of couriering a carton of Tik 20 over to my place ‘before he changes his mind’. Death. And not like I’m reading the morning papers and I tch tch over the plane crash that killed a hundred people before I nonchalantly turn to the pink pages to check the volumes that NTPC clocked yesterday.

I’ve been wondering what my whole life will feel like when I breathe that last breath. Will I smile in silent gratitude for every blessing, all the love, all the memories, all the wonderful friends, all the luck, all the slack that the universe cut me, the exceptions that nature made for me, all the good souls that made my life less redundant, the woman who loved me for both my flaws and strengths and not despite them and who laughed with me till the end the same way we did about the same things we did when we were younger and dared more and thought less?

Will I have come to terms with every lost opportunity, every injustice, every mistake, every lie, every lost love, everything that bothered me enough to keep me awake for nights on end, everytime I gave unconditionally and received nothing but pain in return, everytime I swallowed slime so a loved one wouldn’t lose a smile, everytime I opened up my heart only to watch it bleed? Will every wrong have been pardoned and every betrayal forgiven and forgotten? Will I laugh about these things and shake my head and sigh in wise and eventual understanding?

Will all of this play out in front of my eyes @ 1 FPS? Will I think about this moment then – this moment that I’m living now as a 31 year old, thinking about something that may happen tomorrow, next year or 50 years later? Will I laugh at my insolence of youth?

Will I look back in anger, regret, contentment, resentment, acceptance or resignation? Or a bit of everything?

Will all this even matter anymore at that moment?

Will i be looking back or forward?

when i stand at the pearly gates
this will be on my videotape.

posted by n.g. at 12:55 (0) Peg(s) of Whisky

Thursday, October 11, 2007

There's an old hindi saying that goes 'Logon ko ungli doge toh woh haath pakdenge'.
The literal translation is 'Offer someone a finger and they'll grab your hand'.
What it really means is 'The more you give, the more people will want from you'.

Depending on their knowledge, understanding, and ability to brace themselves against the repercussions of these wise words, some people give easily and some don't.

But this isn't about those who give. This is about those who take.

It's hard to take from someone who doesn't want to give. Hard to get something that won't come to you easily. Which makes it all the more attractive, because you can't have it. So how do you get it? You try. You try, try again and again and try some more. You go out of your way to take it and you also make sure that in a bid to get it, you make it well known to the giver how much his giving is appreciated, and how indebted you are to him, and how great it is and how much it means to you that he is giving it. You listen to his balderdash like they are pearls of wisdom, you idolise and think of him like he is the next messiah, every little thing he does or says is set in the stone of your belief, you will go to great lengths; travel many a mile to coerce him into parting with it, you will do whatever he wants you to do, however selfish, unjustified and poseur he may be, just so he gives it to you. You reach that state of suspended animation when you are so blinded that you forcibly tell yourself how great it is and how great he is. And when you get what you want at an enormous price, you cherish it and you're satisfied with it, even though it may not be worth your time, worth your posession, worth anything at all. You're grateful to him for giving it to you and don't feel the need to ask for anything more, because you know that that's all you can squeeze out of him and that's all he'll care to part with. Because you had to fight, sacrifice and place someone on a pedestal to get it. Something so difficult to get must be invaluable, you tell yourself. Not realising that the giver was hesitant not because it was so precious, but because there was nothing to give at all. Something that is worthless, you crave to have on someone else's terms.

Then there are other people who give easily. Something that will walk right up to you, look you in the face and offer itself to you. You won't think much of it. Because it's there for the taking. Because it doesn't have an asterisk with a footnote that says 'Conditions Apply', you'll keep it in a corner, probably even disregard it, because you didn't have to do anything to get it. It may be the most beautiful, most precious, most valuable thing in the world, but you won't realise that, because it came too easy. Because the one who gave it didn't make you work hard for it. Because he didn't put a heavy price on it. He didn't think it necessary to put a heavy price on it for it to be of value to you but unfortunately for him you don't see things that way. Because you didn't have to strain your eyes to see it, you chose not to see it at all, eventhough it was standing right in front of you all the while. So you won't think much of it, its presence is assumed and taken for granted, its wisdom is dismissed and disregarded as naivette and submission. You brush it aside and think nothing of the fact that it walked right up to you and gave itself unconditionally instead of making you hunt high and low, tearing your hair your heart your mind body and soul out for it. It didn't cost much, so it isn't valuable enough. Nevertheless, you expect more of it. And you demand more, on your terms. You consider it his duty to give you more and you're absolute unquestionable right to get more whenever you want it, and you keep recieving and stacking it up matter of factly, like he owes you. You'll expect to have more and more of it just because you can, because he is always willing to give. And you don't realise that it didn't come to you to start with because it's worthless, it came because the best things in life are free. You don't realise that you're lucky to have it, ironically when it comes to you on your own terms.

Everything said and done, the right thing to do is to go ahead and offer your finger. If you're lucky, your hand won't be grabbed.

But if you get unlucky, give the other finger and walk away.

posted by n.g. at 14:33 (0) Peg(s) of Whisky

Name: n. g.

Home: Bombay, India

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